"Relationships are a big part of our everyday life. Yet, the relationship subject is not taught in our schools. Consequently, we as human beings have no real frame of reference as to what the main ingredients are for a good relationship choice." "Therefore, we have to get beat on, cheated on, deceived, mistakenly conceive, infected by people with STD's, and divorced once or twice before we might figure out how to make a good relationship choice."
Since experience has been the sole teacher for both men and women in making relationship choices, you may have found that experience is not enough. Author Robert T. Gardner Jr. addresses the need for being "Relationship Ready" with The Choices We Make, a compelling book that will educate and transform the way people think about the relationship choices that they make.
Reviews:
Robert Gardner provides raw and real insight into the emotional and psychological turbulence that is often experienced in relationships. It would behoove any person endeavoring to enter or establish a healthy relationship, to visit Gardner's relationship lab, the tools and assessments are invaluable. This book is a must read!
Dr. Kenneth B. Ballard, LCPC
Crossover Therapeutic Services Inc.
5410 Temple Hill Road
Temple Hills, MD 20748
202 841-7080
Robert Gardner takes the reader on a personal journey down the road of dating and marriage using his own past experiences as traumatic examples of the “do’s” and “don’ts” of relationship behavior. Robert makes the case that for something so central to our lives, and with such great social ramifications, there is no formal education. He questions why after twelve years of mandatory schooling, our children “are not taught anything about how to work together in relationships?” We unfortunately learn a love language from the unhealthy examples that surround us, the media, and our own poor choices.
Relationship outcomes are the result of the choices we make. This is the central theme of this book. Too often, our choices are unconscious, and not based upon on any real assessment of our own relationship readiness or that of the other person. Consequently, our relationships become hit or miss propositions where we end up repeating the same mistakes with the same outcomes. Because of these types of experiences, many of us don’t know what a healthy relationship is. Robert says that his own pattern of relationships led to “…a tolerance for behavior that should have been totally unacceptable.”
The chapter “Miscarriage of Marriage” begins his tale regarding his own marriage and is a testament to the reality of marriage for too many. We are also introduced to the minefields of the relationship landscape, from the games people play to the personality types that play those games. In the end, the road to healthy relationships, according to Robert, begins with accepting responsibility for the choices we make. The last chapter, “Relationship Lab provides exercises for assessing what I call your “Relationship IQ.” This guides the reader through determining self esteem, emotional readiness, the relationship baggage we carry with us, is your relationship abusive and more.
At times the personal details were painful to read, but the underlying message is clear. There is more to love and relationships than we have been socialized to believe and love has little to do with it. Relationships can be a celebration of love and life, if we honestly look at ourselves, the other person and our choices as Robert discovered. The Choices We Make by Robert T. Gardner definitely provides food for thought that can lead to healthier relationships.
Marc Collins of The FLOW
www.flow4theworld.com
973-818-8197